Beautiful and ugly.

Both such powerful words.

Both can move someone to tears.

You can call a girl ugly as a joke, and she'll laugh it off.

But the thing is, if you call a girl ugly once, her self esteem has already been lowered.

Call her ugly twice, she tries to shake it off, but damage has been done.

Call her ugly three times, she forgets all the other compliments she's ever had.

Compare her to other girls, that just breaks her even further.

She frowns, but she hurts others.

She smiles, but she hurts herself.

She looks at herself in the mirror and all she see's is somebody who just isn't good enough.

She realizes why she's alone.

Soon, her self esteem will be non existent.

The thing is, nobody knows.

Because she fakes a smile everywhere she goes.

Nobody notices she avoids mirrors.

Nobody notices her silences.

Nobody notices that she tries her best.

All because of that word.

By the time someone has noticed, no amount of words can save her.

xx

starfish

Screw Valentine's day.

What a year it has been. Saying it was eventful would be an understatement. This year was filled with surprises, achievements and memories which will last a lifetime.

My trip to Melbourne in March would have to be the highlight of the year. Even if things didn't really go as planned, spending time with family and friends made it all worth it.

Oh and not to mention getting my beloved Golden Retriever, Macey :D

The downside however would have to be my birthday shortly after. When I ran away from home and stayed with my uncle, just until my mother came back.

With everything that's happened, I'm grateful for it all and everyone who has stayed by my side. Even if it wasn't always a positive outcome, I admit that I did start to believe that there wasn't always a positive side to everything, but it really did happen. Before I even knew it, everything had gotten better.

That's why people need to start focusing on the positives in life instead of the negatives. There is always a positive side to a situation, no matter how small it is. Even though it can sometimes be hard to see.

So much stuff has happened this year and I feel as if I've grown so much emotionally. It's hard to believe that it's all come to an end.

That's why my resolution for the new year will be to look before I fall.

Hope everyone had a year as great as mine was!

Happy New Year!

xx

starfish

Well it's that time of the year again.

With Christmas just around the corner, the holiday decorations and lights illuminate the CBD. People Christmas shopping for their loved ones, and not to mention the massive department store sales. But with Christmas also comes the end of the year once again. The time where I often reflect on the outcome of the year has been, and realizing how quickly time flies.

I can hardly believe it's already the end of 2011. Even the memories of 2010 are as if it had happened yesterday. Not saying that anything happened this year. 2011 has been another eventful year, with surprises popping up everywhere. I realize now that I have enjoyed this year much more than the previous. And not to mention I've kept my new years resolutions!

Bring on 2012

xx

starfish

Long time no post.. Again :l hahaha
I've just been caught up in spending time with the family and working, plus I got a doggy not too long ago and all that has been eating up my spare time.
With recent event, I've learned quite a lot regarding where people stand, and what people come before others.
For example, the whole concept of having feelings for somebody is really such a tedious process. The stress of wondering whether that person likes you back, how shattered you get when they don't speak to you, and the intense joy of being in their presence. All those emotions heightened just for one person can't be healthy. Thankfully I am past that stage. I'm also past the stage where I thought it felt strange not having feelings for somebody. But the feeling of not being tied down and worrying all the time over one person has overcome all that, and I don't really look back either.
During this period I've managed to meet new people, stay close to a few friends and realize the love from family and friends are a lot more important than just one person.
Looking back, I see how silly I used to be, wasting all my time on one person when they didn't even think of me once, I'm glad that I've become the me I am today.
And with that, I've managed to have found a job, focused more on my studies and take care of a new family member as well as visiting my beloved cousin all the time.
Life is sweet.
xx
starfish

One good thing is that spring is finally here. I've missed the cool air and sunny days, accompanied by the sound of birds in the early mornings.

The pink blossoms on the peach trees reminds me that the simplest things can instantly brighten somebody's day. Moments like these unfortunately do not last forever, hence the reason why I have to stop thinking about the past and look forward to the future.

Even though I have managed to turn forward, I must admit I do glance back at times. The memories are so vivid, I can't help but miss them even after knowing that it isn't good for me at all. But I manage to shake it away quickly. I do wonder though if you remember what I do..

Who knows? Who cares. I'm nearing the top of my Ferris Wheel and nothing can bring me down.

:]

xx

starfish

I made the mistake of reading old messages.

It just did nothing but bring back memories.

You really did lead me on. No doubt about it.

Everyone I've told, everyone I've shown, they all agree.

But matter how much you deny it, you do lead girls on.

I wonder though, perhaps it's my karma for doing wrong as well.

The more I think about it, the more true it seems.

I just want to know something.

Did you feel anything at all? Or is it just something you do?

Whatever it was I try my best not to care.

It's so strange, when people ask me why, I am unable to answer.

xx

starfish

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

That definitely is not true. Words can be as painful as a thousand knives piercing your chest until you bleed to death. I myself have been hurt countless times, pretty much in every way possible. Family, friends, and my non existent love life.

Which makes me wonder, what have I done wrong? Have I messed up the lines of equality when it comes to relationship matters? Did I do something wrong? Or is there just something wrong with me? Twenty years and counting of being single. Pretty sure that isn't normal. Everybody has someone or had someone. They have all experienced that warmth. What have I experienced? Just cold harsh words.

But in my opinion, there is no such thing as romance. It is all just a make believe concept which was strongly exaggerated by Disney and sold off to Hallmark. That's all there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less. We are all so blinded by this concept that everybody craves it. If we never really civilized, then there would not have been this problem. You see, animals do not feel love, they do not get hurt when their "crush" tells them they like somebody else. But for some reason we do.

I might as well just let them know my true feelings.

Because it is far too late to look silly now.

I just hope I have enough courage, that's all.

xx

starfish